Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
soo... how was my night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
