now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
