the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
