Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
