This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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