we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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