I didn't shave. On purpose
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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