There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
