Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
