So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
