Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
