I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
