i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
