just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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