well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
