I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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