if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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