im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
