Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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