im holly from the hills drunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
