I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
