I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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