Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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