If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
