I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
