We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
