I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
