you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
