you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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