I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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