She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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