Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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