All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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