Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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