Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I enjoy the company of your penis
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