if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
