we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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