you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
