Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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