I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
