My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
As shirtless as possible
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
