so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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