I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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