did you get engaged???
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
