everyone is single if you try hard enough
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
