I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
