so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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