shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You need Xanax blowdarts
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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