I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
