This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
