Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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