theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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