I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
