i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
